ravoli is friend

My body? A temple?

my body is barely a PlayPlace in a 90's era McDonald's

My mantra going into 2021:

Smack a titty like a bowl of loose jello, live like a god today

I got an ask once inquiring if I was gay as if any straight person could have my sense of humor and tactile photoshop abilities

I'm highkey considering applying for a job as an idiot, I have all the qualifications and extensive past experience

really wish I was a nebula in space right now

How to Create Minor Chaos

Step 1:

Step 2:

Walmart

Chapter 1 of my memoirs:

Fighting god

I am terrible but in retrospect how boring would life be without a little grubby-fingered bitch like me to cause drama?

Showing up on this website to say a bunch of nonsense then log off for a week is really a "me" aesthetic but is it healthy?

My dog is the cutest, I understand that you think your dog is the cutest but let's be real, look at my dog for a sec and you'll understand

Children heads are entirely too big for their bodies and for what? There's no brains in there, just this morning I watched a child suck on a mustard packet in the grocery store then cry that it burst in its mouth
no common sense those ones

I swear to the heavens one more minor inconvenience and I'm walking directly into the forest and not coming out

Stop asking

Yes, I met god

no, I wasn't impressed

keep an eye out y'all, Jesus is suppossed to be coming out of hiatus tomorrow

Remember when the whole "Naruto Run at Area 51" was the craziest thing to happen all year?

Great Idea

Raccoon Spa

the raccoons and their little hands give little massages

you pay them in little snacks

I think it will look like this:

Do you want to partner on this project?

I will only be partnering with the raccoons, thanks

Great Idea

Raccoon Spa

the raccoons and their little hands give little massages

you pay them in little snacks

I think it will look like this:

Bought myself a Hello Kitty purse today to escape the ineffable feeling that I'm losing my conscious mind and grip on reality

I've never experienced true euphoria aside from the time I was the Carrot Queen in my kindergarten play about abstinence and I've been chasing that high ever since

looked in the mirror today

not gonna be doing that again, thanks

looks like we made it through the Hungry and the Horny phases of quarantine, the only thing left is Rage

turns our there's another, seperate stage I was unaware of: "Complete Denial"

looks like we made it through the Hungry and the Horny phases of quarantine, the only thing left is Rage

I never fully understood how people can be scared of dogs, but now I am working for this family and their dog has bitten 5 people in the last month and drawn blood and despite him being like 25 pounds

I know I've been inactive it's because I've been hired as a live-in camp counselor in the Hamptons to two devil children and their dog that bites

Due to some circumstances, employees are now allowed to kill 2 customers a month if they have reasonable motivation

due to extenuating circumstances an allowance has been made; it is now 2 customers a week